John's book: Introduction

Winning Your Son’s Heart

Three Things a Father Cannot Fail To Do In Order To Win His Son’s Heart

Introduction

I was recently asked to appear as a guest on a DVD recording that was sent out monthly to several hundred small groups across the United States. The topic of discussion: From a son’s perspective, what is the one thing a father cannot fail to do in order to win the heart of his son?

Having almost four years of experience working with a young men’s discipleship program which focused on father and son relationships, I thought this would be an easy question to answer. There had to be one thing a father could do to win his son’s heart. Or was there more to it than that?

As I thought about this question, I reflected back to my experiences with my own father. I thought long and hard about everything he had done to protect my six brothers and me from evil and to raise us up as Godly men: how he had loved us, provided for us, nurtured us, and prepared us for life (and still does). 

Every time I identified what I thought was the one thing my father had done to win my heart, I thought of something else. I couldn’t pin-point just one thing. 

Well, I started to get a little desperate for an answer. The taping for the DVD was scheduled to take place the next day, and I was still not sure what I was going to say in response to the proposed question.

So, as I should have done in the first place, I prayed that God would show me in Scripture what a father could not fail to do in order to win his son’s heart. I quickly started thumbing through my Bible, trying to find every possible time it mentions a father and son. It was to no avail; I couldn’t find anything to use.

I turned my computer Bible program on and started cross-referencing the words "father and son". I found plenty of familiar passages in Scripture, of the Father and Son relationship that Jesus and His Heavenly Father had. This wasn’t quite what I was looking for though. The Heavenly Father and Christ are both perfect; every father and son I know aren’t. I needed something a little more practical.

Then I found a verse in 1 Thessalonians that I had read but forgotten about: “As ye know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, as a father doth his children, That ye would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto his kingdom and glory” (1 Thessalonians 2:11-12).

The Apostle Paul wrote this verse as he was describing how he had developed his relationship with the Christians in Thessalonica. As I thought about what Paul meant when he said that he “exhorted and comforted and charged” them “as a father would his children”, God seemed to say to me, “There’s your answer.” 

“My answer!?” I thought, “How is a father supposed to practically exhort, comfort, and charge his son?” Then it dawned on me: these three things cover everything that my father has done to win my heart! There isn’t just one thing that a father can do to win his son’s heart, there are three things!

Fathers, God has given me the burning desire to see fathers and sons, just like you and your son, become the men that He has called you to be. As I have spent the past four years pursuing this goal, I have realized that many fathers and sons do not have the strong and vibrant relationship with one another that is needed to answer this calling. 

Fathers and sons everywhere are being handicapped by past failures and a lack of direction for the future. They have become products of the world’s system and lost sight of biblical manhood. They have believed the lie that they are not capable of winning their son’s heart.

Hillary Clinton wrote a book a few years ago, entitled It Takes A Village To Raise A Child (Touchstone, 1996). Although there is some truth to the role a society plays in raising a child, I believe she missed the bigger picture, especially when it comes to raising a son. It doesn’t take a village to raise a son, it takes a father!

Fathers, it is time to change your paradigm: You can win the heart of your son!

Today is the day! It is time to stand up and reclaim God’s calling for you and your son! Don’t live in a circle of regret and "what ifs"! Don’t believe what the world is saying about what you can and can’t do as the father of your son! 

Yes, it may be impossible for the world to win the heart of their sons, but you are a son of God and “with God all things are possible” (Mark 10:27)! 

God is doing great things in the lives of fathers and sons around the world. I have had the opportunity of personally witnessing God’s transforming and reconciling power at work in the lives of many fathers and sons. Every time I do, I am amazed at how God can take a seemingly hopeless situation and turn it around for His glory.

Have you already lost the heart of your son? Are you afraid that you will lose his heart soon if you don’t do something now? Then I plead with you, give God a chance. Do things His way and be prepared for great things!

As you will see in the following chapters, I have broken 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12 into three parts – Exhort, Comfort, and Charge. I have included in each section testimonies from other fathers and sons, personal stories, and practical ideas to help you understand and apply these three vital keys to win your son’s heart.

If it is your desire to have a lasting and fruitful relationship with your son, then I encourage you to read on and find out how you can exhort, comfort, and charge your son and thereby win his heart!