John's book, chapter 3

Chapter Three

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Encouragement Through

Quality Time

“See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.”

- Ephesians 5:15-16

As a young man, Phil had become an excellent piano player. He loved playing in Youth for Christ meetings and other church events. He even starred as the pianist for The Children’s Bible Hour, a Christian radio broadcast which aired nationally for many years. By all indications, it seemed like God had called Phil to serve Him through his talents as a musician.

In 1951, Phil was drafted into the Army and was stationed in Germany. During his time there, Phil met a man who had written a book about his experiences of leading service men to the Lord. Phil was able to stay in touch with this man and soon developed a close relationship.

After being discharged from the Army, Phil started traveling the east coast of the United States with this gentleman, ministering at different conferences and playing the piano. Little did Phil know, his relationship with this man would change his life forever.

As these two men traveled nearly six hundred miles each week, they got in the habit of picking up hitchhikers and sharing the gospel with them. Phil would drive and the other man would talk with the hitchhikers, most of whom were service men looking for a free ride.

Then suddenly, one day, all of that changed. The other man looked at Phil and said, “It’s your turn to talk!”

As Phil shared this story with me, he said, “We soon came across a young sailor, quickly prayed and then picked him up. I knew just how to get started, because I had heard him (the other man) do it over and over and over again. The verses he used and the illustrations - everything - and this young fellow was ready to accept the Lord right there in the car!” That was in March, 1953.

Today, in 2006, Phil Garvin is still going strong for the Lord. He considers himself to be a “fisher of men,” leading people to the Lord almost on a daily basis. One of his greatest joys is taking others along with him on his daily “fishing trips” and teaching them how to become fishers of men for themselves. As I have watched Phil do this time and time again, I am amazed that what one man started in Germany 53 years ago is still being continued today.

As I was considering what caused Mr. Garvin's friend to have such an impact on others, such a powerful influence that the impact of his life would be evident today, one thing stands out to me in particular: he spent his time wisely. While driving in the car, instead of listening to the radio or sleeping through the trip, he invested in Mr. Garvin’s life. He spent the necessary time to prepare and train Mr. Garvin, exhorting him to walk worthy of God’s calling and purpose for his life (1 Thessalonians 2:11-12).

The same is true for fathers and sons. When a father spends quality time with his son it encourages and exhorts him. It communicates to the son that he is special, wanted, needed, and loved. The simple presence and interaction of a father in the life of a son can mean the difference in winning his heart.

When it comes to spending quality time with a son, a common phrase that I hear from fathers is, “I would if I only had more time.” For many fathers it is difficult to find “extra” time to spend with a son.

Their days are often filled with more responsibilities than they can handle. From work to errands, family life to church activities, days can be long and tiring for a father. I have seen this to be true with my father and I know it to be true for others' fathers as well.

When you stop and think about it, what could be more important than winning the heart of a son? When your son desires your attention, is watching another ten minutes of the ball game on T.V. worth it? How about working an extra fifteen or twenty minutes at the office? Is it worth it?

When you put them in the proper perspective, those ten or fifteen minutes each day could mean the difference for a father who is looking to win the heart of his son. Unfortunately, precious minutes are often wasted. Time can be spent or wasted, but never purchased.

David prayed in Psalms 39:4 that God would “make me to know mine end, and the measure of my days, what it is; that I may know how frail I am.” David went on to explain how he viewed his time on the earth by saying, “Behold, thou hast made my days as an handbreadth; and mine age is as nothing before thee: verily every man at his best state is altogether vanity. Selah” (Psalms 39:5). Time is short and it must be spent wisely.

When it comes to a father and son, there are two ways of looking at quality time. The first is from the father’s perspective and what quality time means to him. The second is to look at it from a son’s perspective.

From one father's perspective quality time may mean accomplishing a specific project with a son, while at the same time avoiding any arguments. For another father, quality time may mean doing something which he was going to do anyway, but including the son in the activity. A third father may look at spending quality time by the amount of time spent, not by what is accomplished.

A son, on the other hand, may look at quality time as an opportunity to just “be” with his father. One son may look forward to talk things out during the time, while another son is more into action than talk. Yet another may look at it as a chance to have a lot of fun together.

Is any one of these perspectives wrong? No. They just demonstrate the uniqueness of each individual. They make it clear that there is no standard format for a father to follow while spending time with his son.

No father is absolutely like another, and no two sons are alike either. Therefore, each event, activity, and project must be designed to meet the specific needs of the individual.

So, what is quality time? How can a father know if he is spending quality time with his son? A good indication is when both the father and son are emotionally and/or spiritually encouraged through each others' company. That is to say, that both experience an increase in personal joy through the exhortation of the other!

Some of the most memorable times that my father and I have had together took place while we were doing things that we both enjoyed. This may seem obvious, but there is no better way to say it!

Sometimes it was sitting in a canoe together, catching rainbow and lake trout with our favorite lures. Other times it was hunting in the mountains or on the plains - even though we would oftentimes walk for hours and never see a single animal!

It did not matter how many fish we caught, or if we were successful while hunting. The only thing that did matter was my father was willing to take time out of his busy schedule and spend it with me and my brothers. By doing so, it gave him the opportunity to exhort and encourage us to walk worthy of God’s calling (1 Thessalonians 2:11-12).

It was during these times that my father had a big impact on my life. Not that he doesn’t today, but those were very special times that I will remember for the rest of my life. I was able to watch how he interacted with other people. I saw how he applied his faith in God to the situations that we found ourselves in. I listened as he shared the truths of Scripture and how they were evident in nature.

These will be the times that I can look back at and tell my children about. How “when I was a kid” we used to walk for miles and miles, or how the “big one” got away. I will also be able to share with them what a godly man their grandfather was.

The same can be true for you and your son. Don’t think you have enough time to spend with your son? Than maybe it is time to reevaluate your life. I once read that you can always tell the character of a man by what he does with his spare time. Are you investing your spare time in your son? Or are you throwing it to the wind? 

Time Well Spent

What are some practical ideas for a father who is looking to spend quality time with his son? Several books have been written on this subject, so I would suggest looking for additional resources at a local bookstore or library. With this said, the list below contains general, yet practical ideas. As you read through the list, try to pick activities that not only you would enjoy, but your son would enjoy as well.

• 
  
  Take your son to breakfast on Saturday mornings.
• 
  
  Take your son to a sporting event.
• 
  
  Spend a few hours riding your bikes together on a local park trail.
• 
  
  If you both enjoy music, attend a local concert one evening.
• 
  
  Go to a local golf course and hit golf balls at the driving range.
• 
  
  Go out for ice cream one evening.
• 
  
  Attend a men’s Bible study together.
• 
  
  Have your son help you organize a BBQ for a group of other men and their sons.
• 
  
  Find an elderly person who needs some yard work done and spend time together serving him/her.
• Next time there is a home improvement project that needs to be done around the house, involve your son. Teach him how to do the work for himself.
• Find a local lake or pond and spend some time fishing together. 
• Find a hobby that both of you can participate in, such as model cars, airplanes, trains, or special collections.

John's Book: chapter 2, part II

Blessing

My father did something very special on my thirteenth birthday, something which I now know had a big impact on my life. After an evening church service, my father and a close family friend took me aside and verbally blessed me.

As they blessed me, I can remember standing at the front of the church and becoming teary eyed for some reason. At the time, I could not tell you why I was crying. Looking back though, I realize that it was because of how special and powerful that moment was - a time when my father empowered me to fulfill God’s calling for my life. Words of affirmation bring life, but words of blessing bring empowerment.

Verbal blessings come in many different shapes and sizes. They can range from a simple blessing (Ruth 2:4), to the laying on of hands (Acts 8:17). When you bless someone with your words, you pronounce a solemn, prophetic benediction upon them (Genesis 27). You consecrate them for a specific purpose and goal. Blessing someone also expresses a wish and desire of happiness towards a person, encouraging them to fulfill the objective.

Throughout Scripture, we see that verbally blessing someone is an important and powerful thing. In Genesis 49, we read the story of how Jacob took great care to bless his twelve sons before he died. The special blessings which he pronounced over each one of them, would come to pass as Jacob’s sons became the twelve tribes of Israel.

In Mark 10:13, we read of how a group of parents brought their “young children to (Jesus), that he should touch them.” These parents were bringing their children to Jesus so that He could bless them! They understood the power of a verbal blessing.

Look what happens next: “…(Jesus’) disciples rebuked those that brought them” (Mark 10:13). The disciples didn’t get it. They didn’t see the importance of blessing a young person. They didn’t think it was a good use of Jesus’ time.

Jesus was quick to correct His disciples, “Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God” (Mark 10:14)! Jesus then took the children “up in His arms, put his hands upon them, and blessed them” (Mark 10:16).

Fathers, when you bless your sons as described in Scripture, it brings about great and mighty things. Proverbs 10:22 says, “The blessing of the LORD, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it.”

You are probably wondering how a father is to bless his son. What does it look like? I was recently talking with Matt, a well spoken young man who is faithfully serving the Lord. He shared with me a wonderful story of how his father has been blessing him and the other nine children in the family.

Matt said, “One thing he will always do as we are praying as a family, and I have noticed this, is that he will always pray for each child individually. Starting from the oldest and going to the youngest. He will use their names and pray that God would bless them in some way. Just to see that is heartening. It has been a real encouragement for me.”

Matt went on to share that as his father is blessing the other children, he anxiously waits to hear how his father is going to bless him. What an encouragement that must be for Matt and the other children! Fathers, blessing your son is not time consuming or difficult. It can be incorporated into what you are already doing. In fact, God gave us a good example of what words to use in Numbers 6:22-27:

“And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, 'Speak unto Aaron and unto his sons, saying, On this wise ye shall bless the children of Israel, saying unto them, The LORD bless thee, and keep thee: The LORD make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace…'"

This is not to say that every verbal blessing should follow this exact pattern. On the contrary! A blessing should flow from the heart. Blessing a son is not part of a step program in which you follow steps one, two, and three. It is a tool that God has given fathers to empower and encourage their sons.

Due to the empowering nature of verbal blessings, blessings can be used not only to encourage a son, but also to change a son. For example, if your son struggles with demonstrating personal responsibility, you can verbally bless and empower him to be responsible:

_______(Son’s name here), I bless you with personal responsibility, so that you may fulfill the responsibilities that are set before you today and bring honor and glory to God.

The same is true for self-control:

_______(Son’s name here), I bless you with self-control today, so that you may demonstrate the power of the Holy Spirit in your life and accomplish the good works which God has established for you.

Pronouncing multiple blessing over your son does not have to take place on separate occasions. They can be joined together and have the same effectiveness. Take for example a young man who lacks wisdom and discretion:

_______(Son’s name here), I bless you with wisdom that you might know what is the acceptable will of God so that you may live according to His word in all wisdom and understanding. I also bless you with discretion so that you may discern between right and wrong, good and evil, and bring joy to those who are around you.

As a father blesses his son, he should in faith expect results, “for whatsoever is not of faith is sin” (Romans 14:23). It may take some time for a son to show signs of change once a father has verbally blessed him. Nevertheless, a father must remain confident “that he (God) which hath begun a good work in (your son) will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6).

One more thing that I would like to point out about verbally blessing your son is that at first it may be a very uncomfortable thing for you to do. It’s not easy to do something for the first time, but with a little practice you’ll get the hang of it.

Also, don’t be afraid of what others will think if they see you blessing your son. Once they have learned what you are doing, most people will want you to teach them how to bless their own children. So, don’t let the fear of man creep in and be ready to minister to others as well!

Words in Practice

We have seen how important it is for a father to encourage his son with words of affirmation and blessing. It is now time to put these words into practice. Below are additional ideas and practical applications for a father who is looking to encourage and empower a son.

• 
  
  During the next week, find four situations in which you can encourage your son through words of affirmation.

• 
  
  If you are not sure what to say, ask God to give you the words.
  
• 
  
  Then spend five minutes writing out a list of quick, yet meaningful phrases which you can use to encourage your son.

• 
  
  Verbally bless your son once this week.

• 
  
  Chose a time when most of the family will be present, but when there will be few distractions.

• 
  
  If you think it would be best, take a few minutes to write the blessing out beforehand. There is nothing wrong with reading the blessing to your son.

• 
  
  If you can not think of something to bless your son with, look for an area in his life that needs improvement and bless him with the necessary character to overcome this difficulty.

• 
  
  Make sure that as you bless him you don’t demean him in any way. Don’t point out his failures; just bless him with the character that he needs to develop.
  
• 
  
  Once you have blessed him, reinforce any positive changes that you see in his life by praising him with words of affirmation.

• 
  
  Record any positive or negative changes which take place in your son’s life as a result of affirming him and blessing him. Over the course of the week, point out to your son the positive changes that have been made and bless him with the power to overcome the negative ones.

John's Book: chapter 2, part I

Chapter Two

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Words of Encouragement

“…Ye men and brethren, if ye have any word of exhortation for the people, say on.”

- Acts 13:15

Since the beginning of time, words have played an important role in the development of the world. Today, we can see the influence of words everywhere we look. We see them in books and on advertisements, instruction manuals and on television. Now, words are spread across the Internet on the World Wide Web. From the time of copying manuscripts by hand to sharing volumes of books with the click of a button, words have helped shape the world as we know it.

As the ability to communicate between people has become faster and easier through the development of telephones, e-mails, and the Web, the art of clear speech and listening to other people has also been lost. Conversations between people have become brief, often resembling more of an online internet chat than two people talking in person. Even when two people do have a real, face-to-face conversation, they both tend to monologue rather than have a dialogue.

So what effect does this fast pace, to-the-point society of ours have on the communication between fathers and sons? A lot! A son needs his father to continually encourage and exhort him with the use of his words. A passing, “Hello” is not enough.

For many fathers and sons today, their conversations look more like auto racing pit-stops than two men talking with each other. For some, their conversations may look like this:

Father: “Hey, how’s it going?

Son: “Good.”

Father: “Good.”

It is my experience that most fathers don’t know how to talk with their sons. Some would argue that this is due to the fact that men are less talkative then women. Personally, I don’t put much faith in this argument.

If you look at some of the greatest men in history, you will see men who loved to speak and who communicated very clearly when they did. The Apostle Paul, Moses, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, as well as the evangelist Billy Graham come to mind as good examples. The list can go on and on.
 

So, why is it that many fathers don’t know how to use their words to encourage and exhort their sons? I
believe the answer can be explained by what I have come to call the WWII generational gap. Let me explain.

We remember World War II as a relatively short war in American history, lasting only four years. It was a war in which tens of millions of Americans joined forces with many other nations to push back Nazi Germany and the Imperial Japanese army.

Although it was not as glorious as Hollywood movies have made it out to be, thousands of people rose to the occasion and heroically served our nation. In the end, the Allies were victorious, but not without paying a great price. Not just in money, but in human life.

According to several estimates that I have seen, nearly 50 million people died during World War II, including almost 400,000 Americans, with another 671,000 Americans wounded. A staggering figure to think about, but pale in comparison to the losses that several other nations suffered.

We often forget a very important fact regarding American casualties, and that is that the vast majority of Americans killed or wounded in WWII were men. Varying in age from young, 18 or 19 year old singles, to 30 and 40 year old fathers, these men bravely gave their lives for our country.

So what happens when almost all of a nation’s fathers, and soon to be fathers, go to war for four years and many of them never return? The answer: a generational gap. A generation of boys whose fathers were not around to define or exemplify manhood.

These boys were raised with little or no communication with their fathers. They never experienced what it’s like to have a relationship with a loving and caring father. Their fathers never had the opportunity to demonstrate what it means for a father to exhort his son. In turn, they were not able to do the same for their own sons.

What we see now is the cascading effects of this gap. One generation passing on their failure to the next generation. From the young men who lived during WWII, through the baby boom age and now today, many fathers and sons have never experienced what it means to have open communication with one another.

This has resulted in the current generation of fathers not knowing, or understanding, how to openly encourage their sons. So what can be done to change this pattern of failure?

1. Acknowledgment

As we all know, half the solution to any problem is recognizing that a problem really exists. So, to start, it is important for a father to recognize that he has inherited a weakness from his own father. This does not mean he should blame his father, nor should he take on a victim-like attitude. Instead, a father should simply recognize the generational failure and accept that it occurred.

2. Prayer

After a father has acknowledged the failure of previous generations, he should come boldly before the throne of grace and ask God to break the cycle of failure (Hebrews 4:16). The Bible says that God visits “…the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation” (Exodus 20:5), but that he shows “mercy unto thousands of them that love (him)” (Exodus 20:6). Deuteronomy 23:5 says, “The LORD thy God turned the curse into a blessing unto thee, because the LORD thy God loved thee.” Fathers, ask and ye shall receive (Matthew 7:7).

3. Learn and Practice

Once a father has acknowledged the failure and has broken the curse through prayer, he should learn how to communicate with his son. This will take time and effort. Once it is put into practice, though, it is sure to bring life changing results.

Affirmation

There is a great need for fathers to learn how to speak with their sons. To merely talk with a son is one thing, but to encourage him with words is a whole different ball game. A son needs to hear words of affirmation from his father.

A son longs to hear from his father the words, “you can do it!” and, “good job!” He needs his father’s affirmation. It may not seem like a big deal to you as a father, but it can mean the difference between winning your son’s heart and losing it.

Words of affirmation from a father reinforce in a son who he is. They also have the power to give life. In Proverbs 18:21 Solomon says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” Solomon goes on to liken the tongue that is used wisely to “choice silver” (Proverbs 10:20). He also refers to the tongue as a “tree of life” (Proverbs 15:4), which brings “health” (Proverbs 12:18).

A father should use his words to encourage his son and bring life to him. Those fathers who aren’t sure they have the ability to do so should consider Moses. Moses was hand picked by God to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt, and to give them the Law of God.

When God asked Moses to take up this responsibility, “Moses said unto the LORD, 'O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue'” (Exodus 4:10).

Was Moses making an excuse or was he correct in pointing out that he was a slow communicator? He was right! Every man who stands before God is slow of speech and has a slow tongue.

Look at what God says in the very next verse though: “The LORD said unto him, 'Who hath made man's mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the LORD? Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say'” (Exodus 4:11-12).

Fathers, you many not have it all together when it comes to encouraging your son with words, but God is able to change that! Just like He did with Moses, He can take you from being slow of mouth and give you the ability to speak before nations. He can take you from, “mum's the word,” to vibrantly encouraging and exhorting your son with words that give him life!

I worked with a young man once whose parents had spoken many negative and hurtful things into his life. He showed the effects of this verbal badgering in many different ways, including having a very poor image of himself.

Due to his lack of self-esteem and confidence, it was difficult for this young man to interact with other people, especially with those who were of the same age. He also had difficulty completing any projects or tasks that he was given, even the most basic. His parents believed this was due to his laziness, but what they had spoken into his life had become true.

As I worked with this young man I made it a point to encourage him with my words. At first he was not sure how to respond. He had heard so many negative things about himself that it took time for him to start trusting that what I said was true. After a few weeks of consistently affirming him, his whole attitude changed. No longer was it, “I can’t,” but now it was, “I can!”

As a father affirms his son, it is important for him to do so properly. The Apostle Paul gave us this qualification in 1 Thessalonians 2:3-7: “For our exhortation was not of deceit, nor of uncleanness, nor in guile: But as we were allowed of God to be put in trust with the gospel, even so we speak; not as pleasing men, but God, which trieth our hearts. For neither at any time used we flattering words, as ye know, nor a cloak of covetousness; God is witness: Nor of men sought we glory, neither of you, nor yet of others, when we might have been burdensome, as the apostles of Christ. But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherisheth her children.”

Matthew also gives us a strong warning about a person who fails to affirm a child properly: “But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea” (Matthew 18:6).

Fathers, you shouldn’t be discouraged with these warnings. You can encourage your son properly through words of affirmation! Is it easy to encourage someone with words? No. In fact, in some ways it is against human nature (Romans 7:18). With a little practice, though, you can speak life into your son and win his heart!

If you don’t believe me, try it. The next time your son does something which is beneficial and positive, try affirming him with your words. Just a few, well thought out words will go along way.

Then, watch to see how this affects him. Does he repeat the same action in hopes of receiving more affirmation? With some consistent application, I believe you will notice a remarkable difference in all areas of his life.

Below, you will notice a short list of affirming phrases which can be used in many situations. As you read through them, picture in your mind instances in which you can use these phrases with your son. If you are already affirming him in these ways, consider taking a few minutes to create your own list of affirming words.

• 
  
  I knew you could do it!
• 
  
  You did a wonderful job ________(son’s name here)!
• 
  
  Thank you very much for doing that, you have helped me a lot!
• 
  
  You can do it!
• 
  
  Good work _______(son’s name here)!
• 
  
  Well done!
• 
  
  You have shown great responsibility!
• 
  
  Tremendous!
• 
  
  Fantastic work _______(son’s name here)!
• 
  
  Thank you!

John's book: Introduction

Winning Your Son’s Heart

Three Things a Father Cannot Fail To Do In Order To Win His Son’s Heart

Introduction

I was recently asked to appear as a guest on a DVD recording that was sent out monthly to several hundred small groups across the United States. The topic of discussion: From a son’s perspective, what is the one thing a father cannot fail to do in order to win the heart of his son?

Having almost four years of experience working with a young men’s discipleship program which focused on father and son relationships, I thought this would be an easy question to answer. There had to be one thing a father could do to win his son’s heart. Or was there more to it than that?

As I thought about this question, I reflected back to my experiences with my own father. I thought long and hard about everything he had done to protect my six brothers and me from evil and to raise us up as Godly men: how he had loved us, provided for us, nurtured us, and prepared us for life (and still does). 

Every time I identified what I thought was the one thing my father had done to win my heart, I thought of something else. I couldn’t pin-point just one thing. 

Well, I started to get a little desperate for an answer. The taping for the DVD was scheduled to take place the next day, and I was still not sure what I was going to say in response to the proposed question.

So, as I should have done in the first place, I prayed that God would show me in Scripture what a father could not fail to do in order to win his son’s heart. I quickly started thumbing through my Bible, trying to find every possible time it mentions a father and son. It was to no avail; I couldn’t find anything to use.

I turned my computer Bible program on and started cross-referencing the words "father and son". I found plenty of familiar passages in Scripture, of the Father and Son relationship that Jesus and His Heavenly Father had. This wasn’t quite what I was looking for though. The Heavenly Father and Christ are both perfect; every father and son I know aren’t. I needed something a little more practical.

Then I found a verse in 1 Thessalonians that I had read but forgotten about: “As ye know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, as a father doth his children, That ye would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto his kingdom and glory” (1 Thessalonians 2:11-12).

The Apostle Paul wrote this verse as he was describing how he had developed his relationship with the Christians in Thessalonica. As I thought about what Paul meant when he said that he “exhorted and comforted and charged” them “as a father would his children”, God seemed to say to me, “There’s your answer.” 

“My answer!?” I thought, “How is a father supposed to practically exhort, comfort, and charge his son?” Then it dawned on me: these three things cover everything that my father has done to win my heart! There isn’t just one thing that a father can do to win his son’s heart, there are three things!

Fathers, God has given me the burning desire to see fathers and sons, just like you and your son, become the men that He has called you to be. As I have spent the past four years pursuing this goal, I have realized that many fathers and sons do not have the strong and vibrant relationship with one another that is needed to answer this calling. 

Fathers and sons everywhere are being handicapped by past failures and a lack of direction for the future. They have become products of the world’s system and lost sight of biblical manhood. They have believed the lie that they are not capable of winning their son’s heart.

Hillary Clinton wrote a book a few years ago, entitled It Takes A Village To Raise A Child (Touchstone, 1996). Although there is some truth to the role a society plays in raising a child, I believe she missed the bigger picture, especially when it comes to raising a son. It doesn’t take a village to raise a son, it takes a father!

Fathers, it is time to change your paradigm: You can win the heart of your son!

Today is the day! It is time to stand up and reclaim God’s calling for you and your son! Don’t live in a circle of regret and "what ifs"! Don’t believe what the world is saying about what you can and can’t do as the father of your son! 

Yes, it may be impossible for the world to win the heart of their sons, but you are a son of God and “with God all things are possible” (Mark 10:27)! 

God is doing great things in the lives of fathers and sons around the world. I have had the opportunity of personally witnessing God’s transforming and reconciling power at work in the lives of many fathers and sons. Every time I do, I am amazed at how God can take a seemingly hopeless situation and turn it around for His glory.

Have you already lost the heart of your son? Are you afraid that you will lose his heart soon if you don’t do something now? Then I plead with you, give God a chance. Do things His way and be prepared for great things!

As you will see in the following chapters, I have broken 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12 into three parts – Exhort, Comfort, and Charge. I have included in each section testimonies from other fathers and sons, personal stories, and practical ideas to help you understand and apply these three vital keys to win your son’s heart.

If it is your desire to have a lasting and fruitful relationship with your son, then I encourage you to read on and find out how you can exhort, comfort, and charge your son and thereby win his heart!

John's book

I'm so proud of my husband. There are many, many reasons, but one of them is because he wrote a book.

Yep, that's right. Wrote a book.
It hasn't been published, but it's really good (and that's not just my biased opinion).

John was working with a ministry for young men when we met, and a few years ago (in 2006, I think) John sat down at his computer and wrote out some things that God had taught him during that time.  It's titled, Winning Your Son's Heart, and is directed toward fathers but has insights for anyone who is trying to encourage or understand teen and pre-teen boys.

I've started to work on editing it, and am thinking of posting it in installments here on the blog. Hopefully, some of you reading will be encouraged by it. If so, please pass it on to others who you think would profit from it. Lord willing, it will get published someday, but in the meantime we hope and pray that it will be a blessing to you.