Chapter Three
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Encouragement Through
Quality Time
“See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.”
- Ephesians 5:15-16
As a young man, Phil had become an excellent piano player. He loved playing in Youth for Christ meetings and other church events. He even starred as the pianist for The Children’s Bible Hour, a Christian radio broadcast which aired nationally for many years. By all indications, it seemed like God had called Phil to serve Him through his talents as a musician.
In 1951, Phil was drafted into the Army and was stationed in Germany. During his time there, Phil met a man who had written a book about his experiences of leading service men to the Lord. Phil was able to stay in touch with this man and soon developed a close relationship.
After being discharged from the Army, Phil started traveling the east coast of the United States with this gentleman, ministering at different conferences and playing the piano. Little did Phil know, his relationship with this man would change his life forever.
As these two men traveled nearly six hundred miles each week, they got in the habit of picking up hitchhikers and sharing the gospel with them. Phil would drive and the other man would talk with the hitchhikers, most of whom were service men looking for a free ride.
Then suddenly, one day, all of that changed. The other man looked at Phil and said, “It’s your turn to talk!”
As Phil shared this story with me, he said, “We soon came across a young sailor, quickly prayed and then picked him up. I knew just how to get started, because I had heard him (the other man) do it over and over and over again. The verses he used and the illustrations - everything - and this young fellow was ready to accept the Lord right there in the car!” That was in March, 1953.
Today, in 2006, Phil Garvin is still going strong for the Lord. He considers himself to be a “fisher of men,” leading people to the Lord almost on a daily basis. One of his greatest joys is taking others along with him on his daily “fishing trips” and teaching them how to become fishers of men for themselves. As I have watched Phil do this time and time again, I am amazed that what one man started in Germany 53 years ago is still being continued today.
As I was considering what caused Mr. Garvin's friend to have such an impact on others, such a powerful influence that the impact of his life would be evident today, one thing stands out to me in particular: he spent his time wisely. While driving in the car, instead of listening to the radio or sleeping through the trip, he invested in Mr. Garvin’s life. He spent the necessary time to prepare and train Mr. Garvin, exhorting him to walk worthy of God’s calling and purpose for his life (1 Thessalonians 2:11-12).
The same is true for fathers and sons. When a father spends quality time with his son it encourages and exhorts him. It communicates to the son that he is special, wanted, needed, and loved. The simple presence and interaction of a father in the life of a son can mean the difference in winning his heart.
When it comes to spending quality time with a son, a common phrase that I hear from fathers is, “I would if I only had more time.” For many fathers it is difficult to find “extra” time to spend with a son.
Their days are often filled with more responsibilities than they can handle. From work to errands, family life to church activities, days can be long and tiring for a father. I have seen this to be true with my father and I know it to be true for others' fathers as well.
When you stop and think about it, what could be more important than winning the heart of a son? When your son desires your attention, is watching another ten minutes of the ball game on T.V. worth it? How about working an extra fifteen or twenty minutes at the office? Is it worth it?
When you put them in the proper perspective, those ten or fifteen minutes each day could mean the difference for a father who is looking to win the heart of his son. Unfortunately, precious minutes are often wasted. Time can be spent or wasted, but never purchased.
David prayed in Psalms 39:4 that God would “make me to know mine end, and the measure of my days, what it is; that I may know how frail I am.” David went on to explain how he viewed his time on the earth by saying, “Behold, thou hast made my days as an handbreadth; and mine age is as nothing before thee: verily every man at his best state is altogether vanity. Selah” (Psalms 39:5). Time is short and it must be spent wisely.
When it comes to a father and son, there are two ways of looking at quality time. The first is from the father’s perspective and what quality time means to him. The second is to look at it from a son’s perspective.
From one father's perspective quality time may mean accomplishing a specific project with a son, while at the same time avoiding any arguments. For another father, quality time may mean doing something which he was going to do anyway, but including the son in the activity. A third father may look at spending quality time by the amount of time spent, not by what is accomplished.
A son, on the other hand, may look at quality time as an opportunity to just “be” with his father. One son may look forward to talk things out during the time, while another son is more into action than talk. Yet another may look at it as a chance to have a lot of fun together.
Is any one of these perspectives wrong? No. They just demonstrate the uniqueness of each individual. They make it clear that there is no standard format for a father to follow while spending time with his son.
No father is absolutely like another, and no two sons are alike either. Therefore, each event, activity, and project must be designed to meet the specific needs of the individual.
So, what is quality time? How can a father know if he is spending quality time with his son? A good indication is when both the father and son are emotionally and/or spiritually encouraged through each others' company. That is to say, that both experience an increase in personal joy through the exhortation of the other!
Some of the most memorable times that my father and I have had together took place while we were doing things that we both enjoyed. This may seem obvious, but there is no better way to say it!
Sometimes it was sitting in a canoe together, catching rainbow and lake trout with our favorite lures. Other times it was hunting in the mountains or on the plains - even though we would oftentimes walk for hours and never see a single animal!
It did not matter how many fish we caught, or if we were successful while hunting. The only thing that did matter was my father was willing to take time out of his busy schedule and spend it with me and my brothers. By doing so, it gave him the opportunity to exhort and encourage us to walk worthy of God’s calling (1 Thessalonians 2:11-12).
It was during these times that my father had a big impact on my life. Not that he doesn’t today, but those were very special times that I will remember for the rest of my life. I was able to watch how he interacted with other people. I saw how he applied his faith in God to the situations that we found ourselves in. I listened as he shared the truths of Scripture and how they were evident in nature.
These will be the times that I can look back at and tell my children about. How “when I was a kid” we used to walk for miles and miles, or how the “big one” got away. I will also be able to share with them what a godly man their grandfather was.
The same can be true for you and your son. Don’t think you have enough time to spend with your son? Than maybe it is time to reevaluate your life. I once read that you can always tell the character of a man by what he does with his spare time. Are you investing your spare time in your son? Or are you throwing it to the wind?
Time Well Spent
What are some practical ideas for a father who is looking to spend quality time with his son? Several books have been written on this subject, so I would suggest looking for additional resources at a local bookstore or library. With this said, the list below contains general, yet practical ideas. As you read through the list, try to pick activities that not only you would enjoy, but your son would enjoy as well.
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Take your son to breakfast on Saturday mornings. -
Take your son to a sporting event. -
Spend a few hours riding your bikes together on a local park trail. -
If you both enjoy music, attend a local concert one evening. -
Go to a local golf course and hit golf balls at the driving range. -
Go out for ice cream one evening. -
Attend a men’s Bible study together. -
Have your son help you organize a BBQ for a group of other men and their sons. -
Find an elderly person who needs some yard work done and spend time together serving him/her. - Next time there is a home improvement project that needs to be done around the house, involve your son. Teach him how to do the work for himself.
- Find a local lake or pond and spend some time fishing together.
- Find a hobby that both of you can participate in, such as model cars, airplanes, trains, or special collections.
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